Flirting for Dummies part 2- The Approach, the conversation and the closer…with Poison

Welcome one and all to the second session of our lecture on the art of ‘woo’. For those of you who missed last week’s lesson please refer to Flirting for Dummies part 1 for the previous lesson. Last week we covered the importance of the attire as well as appearance. Earlier this week professor >N@T3< introduced the class to part 2 while giving a short recap on some points we missed in part 1 like the importance of smell and the importance of timing which I, Poison, will be going over with you in class today.

To begin, you have the approach. There are many ways to approach someone and try to spark up conversation but first you must evaluate the situation. Remember that there is a time and place for everything and please use your common sense in deciding if approaching this person at said time is the right time or place. Here is my advice in deciding if it is the right time or place for ‘the approach’.

Are they alone or are they in a group? This is utterly important to remember. My advice is to wait until they are alone or away from their group. This rule applies to both sexes. If you’re shot down then it’s the best way to preserve your pride because there isn’t an audience. In some cases it can make you look ‘brave’ to approach someone while they’re in a group but it’s not guaranteed. Your best bet is to approach them while they’re alone. If you are with a group and you can convince them to follow you on your ‘approach’ then you may stand a chance of getting somewhere with this person. This is only due to the fact that your group can distract the other group long enough for you to approach your prospect target. Once again this approach is not a guaranteed pass and your best bets are to wait until they are alone. Also, if you see they look smitten with someone at the moment then please don’t be a cock and approach them still.

Do they look like they’re in a good mood? There are some people in this world who do not know how to take a hint and read facial expressions. I will admit I’ve been guilty of purposefully approaching someone who looks like they are in a bad mood but that’s only because I like trouble. If you like trouble then you can do as I do and jump into the rings of fire otherwise…read the person’s facial expression. Is their brow creased? Do they look constipated or worried? Are they sweating yet it isn’t hot? Take a minute or so before you approach the person to evaluate their mood. Sometimes we can be completely wrong about what mood they may be in but it’s better to be safe than sorry.

Evaluate the setting. What environment are you in at the time? Take a look around you. This is a good way to decide what you want to talk about when you approach this person. If you’re in a book store then you look at what section they’re in. For example. I see a cute girl in the eastern philosophy section of Chapters, I casually walk over and then somehow spark up conversation about Taoism or something like that…By evaluation of your environment you also find out if it’s even a good idea to talk to this person at all. A few wrong settings to hit on someone are at work, hospitals, and strip clubs and in the middle of a test or exam. You could hit on someone in any given setting but if you fail to get the results you want, then you know why.

What are they doing? If they look busy then don’t approach them, you are more likely to annoy them and get blown off. If you see someone you like and they happen to be doing homework, talking on the phone, working at work and or some activity that denotes that they are busy- please don’t approach. Not only do you look rude but it’s annoying to have some random jackass approach you while you’re busy. One thing I’ve seen many a man do, I’m speaking specifically to males here, is approach a girl while she’s at work. I personally have never done this since I know that they’re there to do business and I respect anyone who is working and wish to allow them to do their job without interruption for something as trivial as me hitting on them. It’s the people who are inconsiderate enough to hit on someone while they are working that really annoy me. If you must hit on someone in any of the above outlined situations then please feel free to do so but please don’t hit on someone while they are working. This includes waitresses and waiters at restaurants…it’s tempting but please resist, it’s just an issue of courtesy.

Next, you have the actual approach into conversation. Once you have evaluated the situation and made the decision to talk to this person you may make an approach. Remember, you can’t take too long to evaluate the situation because people have lives and time is a factor. Give your clothes a quick dust off, pull out that pack of minty fresh gum that >N@T3< told you about and start chewing a piece then you walk over. Now most people make this sound simple and it is but since you are listening to me I’ll break it down like rocket science for you.

The Walk- you’ve got your good clothes on, you’re chewing that minty gum and your breath smells good so now you need to walk over to the person. Make sure that your walk is natural, don’t fake it. Make sure that your walk is calm and composed. Although you may feel nervous, don’t, it’ll show in your walk. Remember, the only way to know true success is through failure and you’re bound to fail sometime so just accept it before you walk over and you’ll be fine. Stand up straight, good posture helps to improve your figure as well as making you look confident. Note that while standing up straight you don’t want to look stiff and unnatural so be sure to loosen yourself up a bit before walking over.

You’ve completed ‘The Walk’ now it’s time for ‘The Intro’. The intro or the introduction is extremely important. First impressions count for everything so make this count. Before you say anything, please make sure that your voice is as clear and audible as possible. If you slur your speech then please don’t, if you speak using lots of dirty slang then don’t, if you have a really quiet voice then raise the volume a little bit and if you’re loud then lower the volume. What you say is also important; actually it’s probably the most important thing. You can use a pick up line but those are cheesy unless you’re aiming to be funny. You can also comment on how they look. This is a very common approach but note that it should be done tastefully. Females can say just about anything and they can break the ice with a male. Things ranging from ‘I think you’re sexy, what’s your name? ‘To ‘Hi, what’s your name?’ will 8 out of ten times get a positive result for a female. For the males…we walk on thin ice. My personal advice is to stick with a simple ‘Hi’ and your name will usually do followed by a compliment. It’s a good idea to talk about how good she looks and how her good looks made you notice her which is why you had to at least come along and say hello. Tell her that you had to tell her how good she looks just in case someone else hadn’t done it before. Yes…I’ve just given away my stock intro and now it’ll probably never work again but comments around those lines usually deliver good results. After your intro, you ask for a name if things go well and you proceed into ‘the talk’. Remember; be prepared to leave if things don’t work out. During ‘The walk’ you have to mentally prepare yourself to be shot down. It happens, move on.

‘The talk’- now after the intro and ice breaker we have the talk stage. This is where you get to know the person. Questions like “where are you from? “”What do you do for work or school?” and “what brings you here?” are the questions that come up in this stage of operations. >N@T3< mentioned this in his last lesson but I must emphasize this- DO NOT HIT ON THE PERSON. Keep subject matter neutral and if possible keep the conversation short. Even if you have nothing to do, you don’t want to keep their time and it always looks good if you seem purposeful. Another tip is to create an excuse to leave the conversation soon, making you seem very busy but so intrigued by this person is another indirect form of compliment. It’s like saying ‘I’m really busy but you’re so amazing that I have to stop and talk to you’. Please note that if you really are busy then it’s not a good idea to even begin the approach, you want at least 15 minutes of free time open to you. Now ‘The Talk’ should usually last a few minutes and right before you leave ‘in a rush’ you should either leave them your number or ask for theirs. There are advantages to either leaving your number or taking the number. The advantage to leaving your number is that you find out if they’re really interested in you. If they are interested then they will call you and you don’t waste time in trying to talk to them when they’re not interested. The advantage in taking a number is that you now know that this person is remotely interested in you but they now hold the upper hand in this dangerous game since you are expected to call and talk to them. Personally, I find it easier to leave my number since I’m not much of a conversationalist and if someone is calling you then you expect them to do the talking. Otherwise, taking the number leaves the ball in your playing court and how you play I cannot help you. My only advice for phone conversations is to leave it in the neutral zone until the person moves it into the non neutral zone. Conversations in the neutral zone are usually about what they do during the day, hobbies and other common interests you share. You’re leaving the neutral zone when you begin to have conversations about sex, religion, politics and other fairly controversial or personal issues.

Finally, we have ‘The closer’. This is where we complete the whole deal. You approached the person, you talked to them and now you’re good friends. After however long, you feel like you want to make this person special… make them into a boyfriend or girlfriend. I’ve seen cases where this can happen in as short as three days after two people meet each other and lasts for years. In other cases it can take weeks, months and even years before they reach this stage. At this stage is where you want to ask the person you’ve been flirting with to go out with you. In all honesty, as a teacher I must admit I’ve never reached this stage myself since I’ve always been looking for a one night stand. Otherwise, I’ve seen other people reach it so I will share their experiences with this class.

There is a deadline on this stage- most of us have heard of the infamous ‘friend zone’. You can get placed into this area when you wait too long to complete ‘The closer’. The problem with initiation of ‘The closer’ is that it can be hard to know if it is the right time to initiate it. You must pick your timing carefully. If you move in with ‘the closer’ too soon then you run the risk of making things awkward and running your whole operation into a wall. I’ve seen people completely drift apart when someone initiated ‘the closer’ too soon. If you move in too late with ‘the closer’ then you risk emotional damage to your pride in finding out that you have been ‘friend zoned’. There is a chance of rising out of the ‘friend zone’ but It takes lots of time to get out of that area and most people tend to give up when they reach that point. The other problem with ‘the closer’ is that you are rarely ever completely sure of when to initiate it.

Don’t assume or you make an ass of you and me- There are some ‘special’ people in this world who assume that ‘the closer’ was completed a long time ago and that they are going out with this person. Do not assume a damn thing! You make sure that both parties are in agreement to the terms outlined in ‘the closer’.

Do this in person- The closer is not something to do on MSN or over the phone. Yes, it can and has been done but that’s so impersonal. If you’re going to perform something like that then make sure you do it by talking to them IN PERSON. Find a good day, time and place for this and be sure to come alone. This is something you have to do on your own, it’s ok to have friends nearby but not visible for a bit of support but know that you have to fly solo. Also, you have to do it yourself; you can’t send friends to do it for you. If you’re not brave enough to approach this person with ‘The closer’ then the time isn’t right and if you never get the courage to do it then you can hope that this person approaches you instead.

Stay straight and true- There are no fancy lines, no guaranteed ways of success in ‘the closer’ you’ve just gotta be confident and speak the truth. How you really feel. You can get creative with it and find interesting ways to make the person more likely to say yes to you but there are no guarantees. Just use your common sense and remember that you managed to get this far on your own with one person so even if you get refused, you can do it again with someone else even easier this time.

Congratulations you have now graduated from The Infected School of love class of 2009! You have been taught all the basics in finding someone to love and the faculty here hopes that you are successful in your endeavours. Remember that our methods are no guarantee of success but they are only a guide for you to be able to come to your own methods of success. Live long and prosper!

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