Flirting for Dummies part.2- Lionel Heart Edition

Nate and Poison covered a lot of things, so instead of having you folks read it again I just cut out what would have been repeated. I finally stopped being lazy, writing this was tiring and got this done, so you mangy mutts read and pay attention, I went out on a limb this time. Here we are for Flirting for Dummies Part II: Lionel Heart Edition

In Part I, I covered attire and presentation, this week I will move on to part two, the final part: The approach, the conversation, the closer

I will break this down into multiple scenarios like I did with attire:

1. Identifying possible targets.

2. Approach: i) you are approaching your ‘target’ and a) they have already identified you or b) they are not looking in your direction so they have no idea you are coming. ii) You are being approached a) you see they are coming towards you or b) you don’t know they are coming.

3. The conversation

4. The closer: how to finish except we are going beyond the conversation this is “The conversation is over, so what’s next?”

We start by identifying possible targets. First look at the people they are with, see a lot of couples in the group; that means you can scratch this one off the list. Next look for any rings, if you are looking for some action or even something more serious, find a way to identify that they are possibly single; you do not want to look like an idiot in public. Follow up with a look over and ask yourself “Are you sure?” Finally

So we follow up with Approach. I) a) You are approaching your target and they see you approaching from afar, start by making eye contact, make them know your intentions, that way they have time to prep themselves. Give a smile or something, don’t give off the wrong vibe, the way you approach when they see you is your second impression, your first impression is the way you are dressed. The only real tip I can give here is posture. Gents: stand up right, broaden those shoulders, but look relaxed this is your foot in the door, don’t let it get slammed on your foot. Ladies: look relaxed, do not show any uncertainty, that’s about as good advice as I can give you. If your approach is relaxed then you can cut any possible awkward tension. (In this situation you have the most control out of any of the four possibilities, so use this to your advantage if you are naturally an ‘aggressor’.)

b) So they are not looking at you and have no idea you are approaching. Take a breath, relax and approach slowly, don’t scare the shit out of the person. You give a gentle tap on the shoulder and you make your introduction.

ii) a) You see them approaching, make eye contact, let them know you know they are coming. Let them come to your and start things, although you made eye contact and received a conformation, they took the initiative to come over so let them show you their game, you can play a lot from that. I live and die by this saying and it’s true in sports “Offense sells tickets, Defence wins championships”. Personally I like to get an idea as to what I am dealing with so I play defence.

b) Final possibility, someone approaches you and you had no idea that they were coming, don’t freak out and start trippin’ balls (unless that is what you do, cause you are screwed either way). Relax is the best advice I can give here, pretty much the steps from the previous situation continue on here. See what their game is and work off of that. (In this situation you have the least control out of any of the four possibilities, if you don’t like being in this situation you will have to grind it out until the conversation really gets going.)

Alright, so you made your approach or they approached you and they haven’t sent you away yet or they haven’t left. Gents: NO PICK UP LINES. Those are burners, they do more damage than good, if you want them to go away, use it. I personally don’t suggest pick up lines, usually they bring the wrong message to the table. Find a neutral topic to start your conversation, i.e. what the person is drinking, the music, the decoration, how the place looks. You want an icebreaker go with some humour/sarcasm, it lightens the mood and opens up the conversation spectrum i.e. if the place uses fake wood talk about it, anything to get the person to smile, smirk or laugh. Follow it up with your name, how you present your name in this conversation could determine whether or not the person remembers you. I personally like to do something catchy that matches your personality, for example “My name is Lionel Heart. Think lions”. I know it sounds shitty, but hey you have to find what works for you. From there it’s all you; take the conversation where you want it to go. DO NOT I repeat do not get personal right off the bat, it could give the wrong vibe with that conversation.

Finally your closer. This is by far the hardest part of the process because what you say and how you say it can have many meanings, and depending on your objective depends on how you go about it. In any situation asking for their number is the easiest thing to do, cause it can say I’m interested, I think I’m interested, want to be friends and many other things; This is your foot in the door to bigger better things. One of the most important things about your closer, you must be honest and straight forward, make your intentions clear. From person to person how you go about your closer varies, again your objective is key, if you want to go steady a number is all you need. If you want to get some action tonight then you better be forward and stake your claim because there is no soft way going about that one.

All in all, you guys will probably be fine as long as you use your god damn common sense. If you fail while following this advice then its either because you are ugly or stupid and we can’t help you there. As we’ve claimed before, we’re not liable for any damage done to you or others while using our advice. It’s worked for us and if it doesn’t work for you then dont come crying to us. Good bye and good luck.

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