Hello Mr.Sunshine! A Rant by Poison


I wanna pee on somebody but since I cant do that I’ll just rant instead.

You know, it’s good to release some stress once in a while and just yell at someone or something. Go out and beat an inanimate object with a blunt object like a metal bat or a piece of wood. It fucking feels good. Yeah Yeah, swearing increases your blood pressure, sit down and count to ten, blah, blah…fuck off! Life is short so make it sweet.If you’re angry, go out and try yelling at something, hit something. You’re human, we get angry and it’s natural to just let loose on something. A pillow usually works well for this if you dont care to share your feelings with people because they are…

a) Idiots

b) Just can’t be trusted to be confided in

Lately, I’ve been feeling melancholy for various personal reasons. I’ve been looking around and seeing shit that I don’t need to see in the world or want to see. I do alot of meditation, people who know me would not think this but it’s true, I meditate to calm myself. Lately I’ve been disturbed and I realized that what I’ve been doing isn’t meditation but ignorance towards the world around me. My final straw got pushed today when I picked up a news paper on the bus while ripping my eardrums apart and shutting out the world with my loud ass music.

In this news paper I found shit about the recession. Yes the recession- every fucking body is going broke and we bloody love it! I found the usual stories about murder, politics, the usual…It just hit my buttons. I’ve been thinking about people and their problems lately and then I saw the paper and it just reminded me of what a wonderful world this really is. It put a smile on my face to see that shit was still going along as per plan.

I live in a wonderful country called Canada. Also known as Diet America, or America light. Unlike our American masters neighbors to the south of our country- we dont need a ludicrous military budget or for that matter a military of their size. Why? Because we dont start shit with people! People actually like us…or so we like to think. Now since 2001 Our small Army has gone off to help them win yet ANOTHER one of THEIR WARS. We’ve lost 116 soldiers in Afghanistan, the highest casualty rate among allied cuntries fighting there. Now after about 8 years of fighting their war, they have the nerve to make jokes about us.  Now we all know that Fox as a network is full of idiots and the American media is full of shit but this takes the cake.  I’m no patriot but it makes me think here…why dont we have an army?

My thought process goes as such…

a) Nobody in this world can be completely trusted- note the current situation: our most powerful ‘ally’ is turning its tongue loose on us and all we can do is whine and bitch about how hurtful it is.

b) If nobody can be trusted then we need to protect ourselves from untrustworthy people- like America and other people who we’ve made enemies of due to being friends with the war mongering assholes in the south.

c) So we should beef up our army- it’s a dangerous world and If we’re such good friends with everyone else in the world then who’ll mind if we beef up our army? We have other friends to rely on in the world…NOT TRUE! Everyone else may hate America but nobody really has the balls to stand up to them…well nobody that we want to fully associate ourselves with.

d) We’re America’s bitch…forever.

Anyways, with that issue resolved in my mind I move on in this news paper to the World News section. The world is still lovely as usual. Kids planning to bomb schools, Isralei soldiers accused of using an 11-year old boy as a human shield and the Dalai Lama gets banned from South Africa…Wait! What the Fuck is this! The Dalai Lama banned from South Africa?! Why? Because they dont want to disagree with the Chinese!

The Dalai was called there to promote good international relations and at the whim of the Chinese government, they say no to the Dalai Lama! The fucking Dalai Lama! Now I wonder why this is… I’m willing to bet that its because China has an army! A big ass army and lots of money! The Dalai Lama…not so much.  If Canada had an army then maybe we wouldn’t get bitch slapped so hard by the Americans…I’ll probably die before that ever happens.

Proceeding on in this paper, I moved onto  another article. This time in the comment and views section. Then my happy face just twisted in glee as I read about how my lovely canadian government is proceeding to ramp up it’s right wing credentials to the point where we’re seen as a denier of free speech. BTW that last sentence was taken from the article. Anyways…Canada has become the only country in the world to ban sitting British MP George Galloway from coming over. Last I checked, this country was supposed to be the sensible one in North America with the free speech within reasonable limits. I know that Galloway has said some disagreeable things but at the same time that’s no reason to bar him from the country. Like goddamn it- I know that there’s a ku-klux-klan chapter somewhere near me and they’re allowed to be around as long as they’re not hurting people and stuff yet their views are horrible. Why dont we bar them from the country!? With this issue in front of me I realize that my government is full of douchebags and I would rather vote for the clitoris of a rat before these idiots.

So I moved on and skimmed through the paper to see the usual economic crap that’s usually illustrated to look positive to the average man but to the salary man it’s always bad news. That didn’t surprise me. The economy never fails to surprise me lately, the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. New rich people replace the old ones and I look and wish I were there but as it stands right now I’ve got friends with great resumes having a hard time getting jobs flipping burgers! Meanwhile, I’m unemployed so money is of no concern to me as long as I’m getting the bare minimum to stretch.

I glanced at sports and saw that one of the star players on my home team, the Toronto Raptors. The ones who will never achieve anything of great importance. Yeah- I said it. Piss off you Raptors fans, dont deny it, all the teams in Toronto suck ass! You losers with season tickets got ripped off unless you got them for free…actually you still got ripped off, you wasted your time getting the tickets. Anyways, Chris Bosh, is being accused of being a deadbeat father. Yes, one of our best players, someone for the children to look up to, is now being brought down as another typical black bad baby daddy.  I dont play sports, dont mind sports but this shit just makes me wanna sit on my ass and play videogames all day if this is all I can look forward to in the world of pro sports.

I make it to the health and beauty section. This is where the philosopher in me wakes up. Whenever the word ‘beauty’ is mentioned, the dying philosopher in me has to ask ‘what is true beauty?” then I look at the pictures of these people. All these bony, fleshless, made up hags on paper are what society defines as beauty. Most of these advertisements are aimed towards  men or the dying. Ladies- let me tell you that 8/10 men like a girl with something to hold onto. No we dont want the 800 pound whale but please- this is for the everyone both male and female- TRY to stay in shape. Just go for a walk or something every now and then and stop eating the cookie dough ice cream when you’re depressed…it’s really good but stop, you’ll cry later.

Finally I stop at the entertainment section. Tell me why i’m not entertained. Television is dead. There is nothing good to watch anymore, it’s all a load of steaming crap. I can’t remember the last time I found something worthwhile for me to watch on television. If anything I’m watching reruns of old television shows.  Aside from TV being crap, the people that make Tv are full of shit too! Michael Jackson is in england shopping for yet another child. Roseanne Barr…if you people could remember her from the television show of the same name, she was the other hag with the horrible cackle laugh if you can remember it raping your ears as a child.  The first being Fran Drescher…oh god her entire being will make my skin always crawl, I honestly thought she was actually a HE at one point. Just look at her and you might see.

I’m going off topic…Roseanne is trying to make a comeback and it’s good to know that she’s smart enough to pitch the idea to someone who is stupid enough to actually pay her for it…Fox. Finally, I caught me a glance at Lindsay Lohan…and I cried. I used to think she was hot god dammit! Yeah, I wont lie, cringe in your seat and piss your skin at my horrible taste but she was hot! She had the whole big boobed, freckle faced, cute red head/brunette thing going for her and she had some MEAT on her. Dammit! she was a sexy piece of ass! Then she got into the drugs and hollywood corrupted her quite nicely so that now she’s a twiggy blonde hag…They offered her a modelling career. I think  that if I threw her, someone’s dog would fetch her back to me. I almost wish I were a fashion designer, I would totally make sure my models have bodies that are FIT and not just skinny or slender. Women usually have CURVE and Lindsay Lohan just does not define ‘hot’ to me. I know people will fap to anything but c’mon…Lindsay Lohan. If it’s her old pics then its cool but her new skinny and gangly self is simply inexcusable.

All in all, I’ve ranted and made myself feel better. The lesson here- talking about your problems will make you feel much better. Remember, it’s a horrible world out there and you can’t let it get to you but since you live in it, it’ll get to you. Sometimes we just gotta get up and yell or hit something but it’s good to cut loose and let it all out. It’s spring people so lets let loose some of that pent up energy from winter and begin to clear space for new experiences in life!

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