Wassup people, it’s Poison here and as I write this I cannot stop laughing my ass off! Here for your enlightenment and entertainment this week I have found one of the most half baked religions to ever grace my knowledge. Here we have a church so messed up that I can only half support it for the reasons that it’s beliefs piss off alot of people and there are some things I can agree with. On the other hand…they stop making sense when they tell me to eat human flesh, engage in acts of sodomy and other things. This weeks strange religion is…Euthanasia!
The Church of Euthanasia was inspired by a dream, in which Rev. Chris Korda confronted an alien intelligence known asThe Being who speaks for the inhabitants of Earth in other dimensions. The Being warned that our planet’s ecosystem is failing, and that our leaders deny this. The Being asked why our leaders lie to us, and why so many of us believe these lies. Rev. Korda awoke from the dream moaning the Church’s infamous slogan, Save the Planet – Kill Yourself.
Alright, so to begin this weeks fun little show I must tell you the basic belief of the church of euthanasia. Their basic goal is to reduce/put a stop to the growth of our human population. The reason for this is because we as a species have grown far too great in number and the Earth is no longer able to support all of us if we grow past the point we are at now.
Dear readers, if you told me to join a religion based on what has been said above then yes I will totally agree with you. I believe that the world is in truth over populated at the moment and there are too many mouths to feed.We don’t have enough space, drinking water or food for everyone to survive at even a basic level right now thanks to the sheer number of us that need the basics. We need to stop fucking now We need to slow down and find a way to control ourselves people!
So the religion has four basic principles. I’m going to carry you through them slowly and when you reach the point where I don’t agree then you’ll see why I’m laughing my ass off.
The first principle is suicide. Thus the name Euthanasia. I can agree with it to a point but that’s a whole different issue altogether. They believe in voluntary death which makes sense to me. If you don’t want to live then don’t force yourself to. While we’re on the subject of voluntary death they’re also opposed to forms of violent death. While having a big ol Ji-had would solve everything for them, they’re opposed to killing people. This works for me as well.
The second principle is abortion. We’ve talked about this one before and if you want you can see my video on Abortion or go back to the post and read the comments. Shout outs to Poindextra by the way, check out her honesty challenge if you’ve got something you want to vent about. Anyways, they believe in free abortion and alot of other people would agree with them on this point. Although they may seem a bit radical about their view on the issue they still are right about abortion and how it should be something people should get for free if they want.
Now we’re at the parts I don’t agree with…For N@T3: When you read this you will drop on the floor laughing. To Lionel: Your jaw will drop. To the rest of The Infection: you guys wont believe this shit.
The third principle is cannibalism. I’ll hold for a moment of silence people…Done yet? let me continue then. They believe that if you’re going to eat meat then you might as well consume human flesh. I’ll note that they’re also fiercely vegetarian but if you insist on eating flesh then why not go and eat some people? I’ll quote their leader on the issue when she said:
Look, we have fifty thousand automobile fatalities per year, and we’re lucky if we recycle a few organs. Perfectly good meat is being buried in the ground, or incinerated. That meat should go to straight to McDonald’s. The United States wastes vast amounts of energy so that its citizens can eat as much meat as they want. It’s just plain dumb. It takes more than seven pounds of grain to create one pound of meat. Read Diet for a Small Planet if you want the exact figures. There’s no sensible reason why the rest of the world should starve so that we can eat meat. It’s just another form of cultural decadence. But the church is realistic. We’re not expecting Americans to stop eating meat, any more than we’re expecting them to stop ejaculating. If they have to eat meat, let’s make sure it’s human meat.
Now, those of you that know me personally will know that I am a vegetarian. Not a vegan but I don’t particularly partake in the consumption of meat voluntarily. I understand that the occasional piece of egg may sneak into my food or you can be an ass like Freekygreek and sneak a piece of pepperoni under the cheese in my pizza but I wont be too angered about it. Fact is…I don’t advocate eating people.
The last principle is… (N@T3 this is just for you) Sodomy.
That”s right people! They believe in butt fucking. Ok…I’ll be nice and say that they believe in any form of sex that does not promote reproduction. So you don’t have to take it as far as them but it’s them putting it out as sodomy not me. But yes, as N@T3 would say ‘They promote bare bawtymonism! Bun dem!’…or something along those lines. Still, they dont mean to say that men should all become gay but they do want people to participate in more anal sec. Their own leader put it out like this:
Women can oblige just as easily. Grease it up. If more guys were fucking asses instead of pussies, the population would drop. That’s the bottom line.
In total, I give you all the most fucking hilarious religion I have yet to encounter in my life. I thought Scientology was bad but this one has to take the cake. Like shoot…they even promote urine drinking! If you are someone who believes in this school of teaching then please have fun but otherwise…I just can’t agree with you or see half of this as sensible. The abortion and suicide I can agree with but…anal sex and eating people is where you lose me completely. Sorry people but you’re going to have to keep me entertained…over there.
Here’s the video for the week, rate comment and subscribe! Keep us entertained!