Microsoft sucks Megahard at E3 2010

Alright people, It’s Poison here with The Infection’s last update about this year’s E3. Sadly I’ve been left with the task of cleaning up the trash and telling you all about the steaming pile of shit that is Microsoft.  In all fairness, before you get into the article I will let you all look at the press conference yourselves if you’re willing to take an hour out of your time.

Part  1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4,

So all you X-box fans can prepare to rejoice as Microsoft brings you yet another year lacking in imagination with the same kind of games we’ve experienced as all the years before. More sequels to everything you loved before so don’t expect many new surprises on the game front but they did pull some punches with their new brainchild Kinect. We also have the honour of informing you all about the first problem with the brand new slim X-box 360…I don’t expect it to be the last of X-box’s problems.

Aside from the bashing, I can say that they did improve on the graphics. They did well to start by showing off Treyarch studios new brainchild for the X-box 360, Call of duty: Black ops. It comes out on November 9th of this year.  The game looks fabulous and it does offer some new challenges for those of you that are experienced in the first person shooter genre. Alas there isn’t much else other than ‘it’s a shooter’ that I can see so expect the level of difficulty and learning curb to be the same. That racks up yet another shooter for the X-box. Hell, their biggest three hits are all shooters.

The next big highlight of the show was when the creator of Metal Gear himself, Hideo Kojima, came to introduce what probably would be the only thing I would buy an X-box for anytime soon. Metal Gear: Rising for the 360. The only issue I would have with this game, other than it having to be on the 360, is that Kojima is letting his new hotshot producer, Shigenobu Matsuyama, handle it but Kojima himself is still executive producer so it’s ok. I don’t know much about the new dude but Kojima is a pretty damn picky artist and I will put my reputation on the line when I say that I am sure that this game will turn out as excellent as all of his other works thus far. Aside from my praises for Kojima, the game play looked excellent but it’s mostly an action game so I don’t expect it to be as long or hard as other Metal Gear titles. This is probably something to briefly satisfy the PS2 owners that went and bought 360’s instead of PS3’s and didn’t get to play MGS4.

Afterwards the show went on and they continued to talk about more of their games without personality.  By the way, unlike my cohorts I’m sure you’ve all realized that I’m far from impartial. Anyways, the next big highlight in the show was Gears of War 3…Now I do like Gears of War as a series but you can’t deny that it’s Microsoft just delivering more of the same shit over and over again in rewrapped packaging.  As for the game, expect more of the same kind of gaming but this time they now have a 4 player co-op story mode so now you can play as the whole damn team of them trying not to get your ass killed. They’ve also introduced a new female gear to the team because you all know that there’s nothing hotter than a girl with a big ass gun. Expect to be using bigger guns, fighting badder monsters and more post apocalyptic mayhem.

Next, we had Peter Molyneux of Lionhead Studios come in to introduce us to Fable 3. Yet another sequel for a game we’ve played before…When the fuck will we get some more NEW shit! Anyways, aside from being another sequel Fable 3 does look somewhat decent. It ships on October 26th of this year so be sure to check it out if you were a fan of the first two.

The next big highlight….another Halo game! Instead of a sequel they decided that they would do a prequel. Halo: Reach is…Fuck it, it’s another Halo title with all the same gimmicks as before and maybe a few extras. Enjoy the game for its campaign as well as online multiplayer modes and maps.

So, do you all remember last year’s E3 when they introduced project Natal? Well we did also manage to get an update on that project this year. The technology has been renamed ‘Kinect’ and aside from the huge price tag that we can all see coming for this accessory for your system here’s what it can do. It’s got 3D depth sensors, Multi-array mic, Motorized Tilt and an RGB camera. Honestly, this is the second thing that I will say is pretty cool for the 360.  Kinect pretty much allows you to control your system without a controller. It allows you to make your X-box a voice activated and as they claim ‘simple’ to use system. Personally…it’s a gimmick that I don’t really see going all too well but knowing Microsoft they’re going to find a way to force the people who don’t want it to get it. 

They have a lot of exclusive titles lined up for the damn thing but there is one title that I will say that I am excited for and that’s the new Star Wars title. I’m sorry but I can’t ignore the super nerd screaming out in my mind that says to me “You must have a lightsaber duel with Darth Vader himself!” We all can say that we wanted Jedi powers at least once in our lives.  The next big title for the 360 that will be compatible with the Kinect is a new Forza Motorsport game, not really my thing but it’s a pretty innovative approach to the game.  You can now drive the car without a controller but instead you put your hands at the 10 and 2 positions (like they teach you in driving school) to drive the car. Otherwise the rest of the titles look like cheap rip offs of Wii sports and such.

Speaking of hardware upgrades there was the X-box 360 slim to talk about.  So we all know that the original X-box is famous for being mega huge and taking up too much space. It’s only redeeming quality was that it packed a shitload of power to make up for it. The 360 isn’t so bad but Microsoft is making a fair attempt to fix their size problem.  Thus we have the 360 slim, which I will admit looks pretty slick. It comes with built in Wi-Fi, a 250GB hard drive and its Kinect ready.  Too bad its slickness is the only redeeming factor in this situation since there’s a new problem now, IT EATS YOUR DISCS.

Yes, we all know that the system isn’t supposed to be moved while there’s a disc inside, that’s common sense to anyone who knows how to care for a game. Alas, most systems from even the previous generation didn’t have such a dramatic effect on your disc when the system was moved.  This time around Microsoft has dropped the ball again with their hardware and now even the slightest movement will cause the X-Box 360 slim to devour your games. So let’s sum the issue up here, the original 360’s have the Red ring of death disaster to deal with but with the slim 360 Microsoft promised that this issue was over…now we have a system that allows you to play games still but there’s a slight chance that even the smallest shake will ruin the game that you want to use the system to play. Congratulations Microsoft, you took one step forward and two steps back! Check out the video here.

 Overall there were only one or two new games I found worth talking about before the show went straight to the crapper with the Kinect gimmicks that look like a dead rip off of Nintendo. Shit guys, c’mon Microsoft you have money to buy talented people to make games that are actually a little bit more entertaining and exclusive to your system…please explain why you haven’t done that!? Well…ok, I’ll be nice and say that creativity takes time and time is money thus they don’t want to spend the time to think of a few new titles to entertain others because it costs too much money.

Keep me entertained!


2 thoughts on “Microsoft sucks Megahard at E3 2010

  1. Fable 3 is really the only memorable thing that I think they presented at E3.

    Nobody really cares too much about Kinect except possibly the Wii crowd.

  2. I’ve never wanted to have Jedi powers before. 😐

    Moving on. That ring looks horrible. Holy god. I’d have a heart attack if I found something like that on one of my disks. Kinda feel sorry for the people playing during that Earthquake. D:

    Nice touch with the watermelon at the end of the Metal Gear ad. Oh Kojima.

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