You’re Scantily Clad and I’m Not So Glad


Alright, so today I heard some rather distressing news. Well…to be honest the news was only distressing to me. I heard from Cronus that there was a new and more scantily clad than ever version of Black Cat in the new Spiderman game. Now mind you that this post isn’t to complain about that alone but my biggest issue is when comics and video games decide to push the bar for skankaliciousness a little too far for my tastes. Taking Black Cat and making her even sluttier looking for no good reason is something that really pushes my buttons. It’s this little push that has sent me over the edge into oblivion with this post.

To begin, like any normal hot blooded semi-otaku nerd I love my drawn/illustrated/3d rendered beauties scantily clad and gorgeous looking after falling over a cliff. Alas, there’s another presence in me that is at odds with this otaku nerd and it’s my inner artist that craves for attention to things like detail and character in games and comics. I’ve come to the conclusion that there needs to be balance between these two forces in order for me to be satisfied.  It is only through the proper harmony of form and function that I can completely accept these scantily clad women in my comic books and video games. Sadly, since the people who create these games have no bloody clue how to balance out form and function properly I will go forward and explain how the hell this works.

First, you must look at the function overall. The function is the key to everything. You must question yourself about what is it that you want these women to do and then accommodate to that. What I fear is the problem with many comic and video game representations of female characters is that the creators seem to dismiss function in order to accommodate to form better. Yes, I understand that it’s all based in a fantasy universe but at the same time you must think hard about the function they serve within the world. Alas, since there are many different worlds and scenarios I will go on to name some series that actually do well in following this rule of function while maintaining the ideal of sex appeal they’re obviously aiming for.

  • Mirror’s Edge- The main character in this game is gorgeous.  This female lead is a good example of a character that was created with the thought of function before form.  The main character in this game is a free runner/parkour expert and so she is dressed that way. She wasn’t dressed like some whore while still having a good deal of sex appeal.
  • Wonder Woman’s redesigned outfit- Yes, the original fans hate this new outfit but fuck them, I like it. It’s about goddamn time she put on some pants. The jacket could go but at the same time it does make sense. She’s out there fighting god only knows what kind of impending doom in the most god forsaken environments imagined and you expected her to do that in lingerie!? This is a costume that shows someone finally put more thought into the function and less on the form.
  • Tekken series- This one is debatable but in comparison to most other fighting games the women in this series are somewhat respectably clad. In some cases it seems like thought was put into what they wear in order to match up with their fighting styles. Overall, this is the most extreme example of function before form.

Next, once you’ve properly evaluated the function this character serves and the proper attire for them you then can move onto form. There are no iron clad rules for form that I will give since it’s all up to artistic license but I will say that the rule of function is set in stone for me. Do not go making characters that look beautiful but are wearing the completely wrong thing at the wrong bloody time! I hate that shit! Otherwise, here are some examples of good form meeting decent/good function.

  • Nariko (Heavenly Sword)- This beauty is my favorite for main characters in terms of form. Yes, her outfit was completely unconventional and in a real combat situation it would make no bloody sense but… her form made up for it with the attention to detail. Unlike Lara Croft, who scales mountains and is chased by T-Rexes to come out with perfect skin and hair, Nariko had battle scars.  On the cover of the game she looks bloody hot as hell but when you get up close and see her you realize that she is a far cry from the super model you see on the cover.  Her hair was obscenely long but overall, this is one character that made up for the obvious lack of thought on her functionality with her meticulous attention to form.
  • Farrah (Prince of Persia)- It’s only in this post that I realize how great she was for both form and function. She was a princess but she was also a sidekick. She was the perfect balance of form and function throughout the Sands of Time series. While I’m in the middle of praising the Prince of Persia series I will also go on to say that Elika was a great female lead for form and function. This series does sexy women right with a proper balance between form and function.
  • Meryl (Metal Gear Solid series)- Yes, we found her annoying at times for those of you who played the games but in comparison to other females we met in the games she was properly dressed for the occasion.  Sniper wolf was in the arctic with her chest open and exposed in the middle of a sniper battle. Fortune in MGS2 could have done with some pants, I mean…running around with a rail gun with your bare legs exposed like that, c’mon!? Eva was a hooker from start to finish in MGS3. Finally in MGS4 we have Meryl return and she has improved on her function as well as obviously bulked up a lot to make her form right for that of a soldier in war. Overall, Meryl was a well thought out character in a series full of amazing characters.

To conclude, I just want to say that a character doesn’t have to be just tits and ass to be good. Its less about what they’re wearing and more about their attitude while upholding a level of taste beyond something juvenile. I really dislike when people think that less clothing on female characters= more sex appeal. Not true, because if it were then Dead or Alive: beach volleyball would be the best game ever.

Keep me entertained!

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