Please stop the music if you’re going to keep dancing…


Welcome to A-Soul, I’m Poison Apple here with you and I’m going to talk about dancing. I’m guessing that a lot of you who read this blog fit into one of two categories when it comes to dancing.

Category a) ‘I can’t dance’- You’re one of those people who go to a party and spend the entire night either on the side of the dance floor watching others make complete asses of themselves or you just don’t even try to put effort into dancing and barely move when you do get on the floor.

Category b)’ I only dance when I’m drunk’- You need a few too many drinks before you get the courage to get up and dance. At that point you’re too drunk to give a shit about what the hell is happening to realize how much of an ass you’re making out of yourself.

Finally…there’s the last category of people who we know out there for being the most fly, fuckable and fantastic on the dance floor. You all know that one friend who always has the latest and hottest dance move learned when it’s popular?  That person who everyone thinks looks really cool but the truth is that if you’re completely out of touch with what’s ‘hot’ right now they look like a complete ass to you. Well this post is about those people and all the dance moves I think are fucking obscene.

The dance moves on this list are so ridiculously stupid that If you should ever find yourself doing any of these moves for any reason in public, other than to be a complete ass, then know that YOU SHOULD BE SHOT. Now, here is the list of dance moves I just wonder what the hell people were thinking when they invented it.

1)      The Stanky leg

If anyone feels that there is any need for me to explain this dance move and why it is stupid then please GET THE FUCK OUT.  Thank you.

2)      The Dutty Wine-

I won’t explain the origins of the song but god only knows what the hell Tony Matterhorn was thinking when he came up with this dance move. Where the fuck did this shit become popular from? Why is it that people think this shit is cool to do in front of a crowd? I of all people understand the need to look at a woman with a nice ass shake her butt but what’s wrong with a simple bump and grind? Was it even Matterhorn that came up with the move? I don’t care but honestly, this was a stupid dance move.

3)      The Reject and just about any kind of ‘Jerkin’-

This move didn’t become too popular but the fact that news of this reached my ears lets me know that it’s a damn good thing I refuse to visit clubs anymore. Honestly, I was doing that shit with my feet for fun when I was 6 years old. Yeah, I never got the crip walk right and I never really wanted to try it either but this shit is some of the most uncreative bullshit I’ve seen in a long time

4)      The soulja boy dance-

Yeah. You know that the dance had to come up some time in this list and here it is. I’m one of the people who never learned the dance because I was too busy laughing my ass off at ‘Yahh Trick’.

5)      Shufflin’-

‘LMFAO’ made a song last summer, this song was honestly a shitty song but it did get stuck in your head. I then was shown the video by a friend at the end of the summer and I got to see the move. Now the way they do it in the video looks really cool, I admit this, but I still look at it and think to myself ‘that’s nothing special, I can do that shit!’. You literally do the move just by shuffling your feet a bit and adding some ‘flair’ to it so that people think you can do the shit.

6)      The Dougie-

No, I will NEVER teach you how to Douggie. Fuck you, eat a dick, lick my balls and swallow. The song was bad but the move itself was…I don’t know how to explain it but I honestly find the move to be extremely stupid. I will admit, I have found myself trying it and doing it well in a public place and not for the purpose of being an ass. I apologize to Lionel right now since he’s probably loading his gun to shoot me in the foot after this. I promise to reimburse you for the bullet Lionel.

Anyways people, that list are just a few of the dance move failures I can identify for you all. If you happen to come up with more horrible dance moves that need to be recognized for the fact that they suck then please feel free to submit one.  I know that there is more than a fair share of them in the dancehall genre and the only reason I don’t know them is because there’s a new and more ridiculous move being invented each week by some dancehall artist. Still, I won’t go into a rant about how I really dislike dancehall music… Yet I go to caribana each year. But that’s only for all the scantily clad women floating around there.

Alright! Enough being real with you all, I’ve said my say and I’ve had enough.

Keep us entertained!

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